Thinking...

When I was pregnant with Jaxson I remember thinking if he was another boy should we have just stopped at three after Colton? Was God trying to tell me something and we were just not meant to have girls. Literally it just hit me right now like a ton of bricks! Really Alyse, it has taken you this long?!?! I finally get it! I DON'T CARE!!!! God gave you a healthy baby and beyond that nothing matters! Looking at him my heart is overwhelmed with love for him! I can not imagine him being ANYONE ELSE other than my sweet Jax. I can't imagine my life without him. Our family would not be the same without him! He brings so much joy and happiness to our lives and I feel so beyond blessed that God allowed me to be his Mommy. Even in all my discouragement of wanting what I want, I see now he is what I want! What I have wanted my whole life! A Mommy, and Jax along with Preston, Hudson, and Colton make me that! The most blessed Mommy in the world! God has given me all I have ever asked for! For that I am so grateful and thankful and every other word with those meanings. Words are not enough! I will thank him by being the best Mommy in the world. I will love my boys more than anything and I will raise them the best that I can! It is the least I can do and the most that I can do! I am not perfect but I am me and they love me for just that. They think I am perfect. They love me rolled out of bed, no make-up on, hair a mess, how lucky I am to have four sweet boys! Extremely lucky!! So this is me baring my weakness and finally seeing it, getting it! Thank you, Lord for this realization! Thank you for being patient in all my weakness. I know it took my awhile but I got it! Thank you for my babes, I am so thankful!